Fat Bob is my snowboard. It’s a fat board - meaning wide. I bought it 3 years ago after my first trip to Alyeska.

My kids were still pretty little, but they could ski well enough to go all over the mountain. Not me. I’m too slow. At a busy ski area like Alyeska I’m in everybody’s path when I ski. Like a bicycle on the freeway. People fly by me and I can’t turn left or right without coming this close to a major crash.

Someone said that snowboarding might be a little tougher to learn than skiing for a beginner, but it is easier to master. I decided that I wouldn’t live long enough to become a good skier. I also realize that my family has so much fun skiing that more trips to Alyeska are inevitable. So I’ve been getting to know Fat Bob. I should have worked harder on our relationship.

We’re not really friends yet.

I get thrown down. Hard. Going too fast. I get stuck in front of snow fences that are supposed to slow down the fast people. I twist and fall on my back getting off the chair lift. It is a sublime form of humiliation.

I was not quite ready for Alyeska. It is a strange thing to plan a vacation based on how much pain you think you can take. We figured three days. I had my quota sooner than that.

My family had a great time. I will practice more. I promise.