This is a friendly place. Jackasses will come by and stink up the place. They don’t get it. You aren’t writing for them and we aren’t reading to see if you are loved by everyone.

The idea of the appropriate response fits here. Apology or explanation not required. Good stories are always appreciated.

Your doing alright in my book,
nsl

Having recently decided to write a blog…I thought about it. Am thinking. It’s very cutting….. But it’s possibly the motivators, true, being reflective just doing something…its hard..to know anything. I know so little really.

Writing to anyone at all reading it, after 23 years of silent teaching, especially to try and share out of frustration, and of course totally and completely looking for places where other teachers might be considering same kinds of things, seems to fit inside that anaylsis…yes.. Chapter two. Read it again, toning down the pain of awareness…will need to do.

The secret sharing, voyeur things and the rest will take some processing awhile from my world of denial just like really looking daily at what I do in teaching takes awhile and loads of self-doubt to process…but it is true …..that much I see about considering intents. I wanted to voice concerns from my classroom, share, read from a place where someone had interesting things to say, do this while recovering from chemo treatments so without getting out , having less a life…and ….sorry…I learned good things in the process. Altho its a bit fast paced. See for me I loved having a beautiful piece on constructivist learning, loved reading of a teacher with a wife teacher saying a bit about the realities of NCLB, found it fascinating someone in Japan worked with students creating authentic writing with the same concerns I had twenty years ago in South Central and mostly met a fascinating person who is very honest with himself and others, all the time. And who gets upset. I liked that, like it too. And then there is that otherness…the ugly in the world teachers kind of have to take…yes, you frame it well here. This actually let me look at that too. I understand better the nature of what I’m doing just through that, isn’t that interesting? Well to me it has good or even great value. I’m sorry however for anything hurting.

Somehow for me this kind of talks about who we are.
I’m not a real big examiner of why I make art, drop themes, read romance novels for a year then abandon them, I don’t figure out why I read those ridiculously stupid books I find in my book box from time to time or wonder how this person got to be my friend….I’m not inclined to that self reflective piece enough as I’m usually in the choas of this piece of timing and day, but I absolutely know I must be doing whatever I’m doing trying to meet a need or fufill a personal issue.And I talk about it self-righteously to hide insecurities and personal failures and ….yet I know…loads of time…. experiences led me to conclude…I don’t know anything at all. Most of what I do leads me there of late. Big void. Sure. (Altho not with a bong or Birkenstocks as both rather aren’t my thing.) I’m just going along being a teacher …..writing now to that as I saw so few peers in my world reflecting on it all.
Anyway, I’ll try and reflect on this piece, reread all the pieces in the puzzle, figure out what in the world this said today, stay away from hauling my issues here….but I have got a thought about getting “your own life” or the find your own path, or the frisbee thing…..I used to hear this when artists got together too. Lots of debate in the 70’s of my life about why make or share anything…about the inherent voyeur aspects(I mean you make it only for someone else to look at and reject or love and your soul you think is poured there-cause it’s like Sharing Time in Kinder ..maybe we are really there to be affirmed), the ego strands , the ultimate self-disgust with how far product fell from intention..the ease with which deconstruction occurred. And Oh I was such a failure at taking what others said of my work it all, ALL, or most made is under a bed, in boxes, volumes of poems sit in data bases, stories written by the hundreds poured away until this little trigger in NCLB and with a thought about maybe my longevity was an issue… caused me to surface it….so know a few words turned-it’s hurtful and often completely true in some ways, that I have insights about…..My art teacher Sharon said always to me she continued to do her work everyday for her greatest fear was if she stopped and analysed too long she’d never work again. Recently I talked to her about that again after 30 years as I stated I wanted to finally share some things Imade out in the world…and she went on to say that for her the reasons why we are creative, why we produce might be traced to needs or wants, hurts, lacks, failures of love-unfacable stuff mostly, maybe are about needing a dog or getting a life…….. but lots of people from those places turn to self destruction, to disintegrating kinds of process, to hurting others, criticism, to placing projections…which she’d be the first to say is her battle too…but in the main she created just because she had to do it. It was aligned with her life force. (real daisy chain talk)I kind of like that for writing, teaching, making artworks….it was just where I was at….so obviously carrying this enormous amount of “I had to do it.”