Before I became a homeowner I was a property owner. Beginning with a blank slate and building my own place has given me a large store of object lessons in starting from scratch. The first and most painful truth that I have to face any time I start something is the need to excavate - to clear a place to build. It seems so unfair to have to dig down before I can build up. But there it is. Structure requires planning if it’s going to be useful and durable. And now, going back to the classroom for the 25th time, it feels like the first time. Where do I begin? The perennial problem. Maybe that’s a good thing.

I have a lot of experience to fall back on now which I didn’t have the first time ’round. But I also have a lot more junk. I mean that literally. Last year I had too many students for the classroom, and space was an issue. So at the end of the year I got rid of my file cabinet. It may be only a small step in making room, but it was a huge symbolic gesture. Getting rid of it means that I plan to rely on my own creativity and put the students to work creating their own materials as much as possible. I hardly used all the stuff in it, anyway. I put my lunch in it. I dumped things into the drawers, loose, and forgot about them. I rarely pulled things out to use. How could I? It was a mess.

Student files are the only things I maintain in any ordered way, and I have a large desk drawer for that. Because I had my hands full with administrative duties at the end of the school year, I did the natural thing and put all my files in boxes and then shoved those in a cabinet.

Now I’m facing my organizational crimes, and clearing the shelves. I’m teaching sixth grade, a grade I haven’t taught for a while, and my immediate task is to go through the piles of paper and toss out everything that seems unnecessary. I will be ruthless. Old workbooks, lesson plans, my classroom library, science materials… all must be given a brief but hard look before I decide if they are worth putting someplace besides the “pile” that is going out the door.

I am good at this purging. I do it every year. But this time is different. I’m burning bridges. Anything that’s really worth keeping is already in my head or on the hard drive of a computer. The problem with having too much stuff is that the physical world doesn’t have a “search” function, and I spend way too much time looking for things. I usually find things that I was looking for while I’m looking for something else.

I know why this happens. I’m an organizational rebel. I break all my own rules. People give me things that I can’t use, and I don’t know what to do with them. It’s time to break free of the past. I’m practicing non-attachment. I realize this approach isn’t for everyone. I admire people with tidy file drawers and neat desk tops. They have labels on folders that actually describe what’s in them. But it’s time for me to face reality. I will never be like that.

After 24 years, maybe I’ve learned something.