Borderland

Time to stir the embers of this sleeping blog. It’s the first day of the new year, a turning point of sorts, and a time for taking stock of things. Amid the catching up with the family, and time away from the classroom and such, I’ve also had some time to wander through a local bookstore, and I brought home a couple of books that reminded me of something I haven’t thought much about for a while. My teaching assignment this year has been difficult on a number of counts (which is certainly not unusual), and I’ve been thinking about the opportunities for personal growth that teaching offers. But self-improvement isn’t a straightforward project. Every day is a new revision, and some are clearly better than others.

From Alan Watts‘ “Planting Seeds and Gathering Fruit”:

Every project for self improvement is a vicious circle. Dogen, a Zen master of the thirteenth century, said that spring does not become summer and, in the same way, firewood does not become ashes: there is spring, and then there is summer; there is firewood, and then there are ashes….As Chuang-tzu said, “You see your egg and expect it to crow.”

The selfishness of a selfish person is precisely that he is trying to become happier, stronger, wiser, braver, kindlier, and, in short, unselfish. “Is not your elimination of self,” said Chuang-Tzu, “a positive manifestation of self?” And again, “Those who say that they would have right without its correlate, wrong, or good government without its correlate, misrule, do not apprehend the great principles of the universe, nor the nature of all creation.

Watts advises us to avoid busying ourselves with problems that are too big, too abstract, too intractable, and fundamentally impossible to tackle. When we’re mired in judgments, we lose sight of possibilities, as he says, to “…plant seeds, gather fruit, build houses, sing songs, make love, and go on living until we stop.” I need to remember this, because the rough edges of the classroom really bother me. And in the current political climate where school reform is married to global economics and technological change, nobody wants you to forget what they think you should be doing.

Mark Ahlness shared this reflection:

There is much handwringing going on in some edtech blogs as the year “ends”. Much ado about the state of schools, the educational system, what’s wrong with teachers, why teach anymore, etc. Here are three noteworthy ones, especially because of the comments:

• Parable 2.0 from Graham Wegner
• Some New Years’ Dreaming from Will Richardson
• On Leaving Teaching to Become a Teacher from Clay Burell

I thought about adding my 2 cents on all of them, but I ran out of gas. I am outraged at many of the same things these guys talk about. But this is what keeps me going:

The 9:00 bell. That’s when the kids come in the door. Thank goodness for the kids.

Yes, it’s about the kids, and not the tests or the curriculum or the schedules. My comment to Mark: Out of the 99 feeds in the reader I plowed through this morning, yours was the last – and the best – the most encouraging and hopeful of them all. I’ve been thinking lately that my frustrations in the classroom are nothing more than that. They’re my frustrations, and my problems. It’s easy to blame the system, or the other people in it. It’s much harder to use those problems as catalysts for personal growth, because they call for us to respond in ways we might not be ready for, and to stretch in unexpected and sometimes unwanted ways.

Professional growth is something that teachers often think about. I’m right there with all of them, wanting to do my best. But methods are only a part of the puzzle. The hardest thing to learn, I think, is how to meet both challenges and rewards with equanimity, because teaching requires a constant commitment to every student, and that can mean many different things depending on who and what requires attention at any one moment. Getting to know the kids and maintaining a personal connection with each of them takes time and patience that I too frequently can’t find, though I know it goes a long way in making a difference for us all.

What do we do when we want something that is not an object, when we want to change something in ourselves? It’s a problem that many people bring with them into the new year, with their desires for growth and transformation. Alan Watts recommended that we choose to simply “be” and learn not to intrude our judgments onto the world. It’s easier said than done, I know, especially for a teacher where evaluation is a big part of the work. But, still, it’s the best way that I can see to become an integral part of what Mark called the “living breathing organism” that is my classroom, and to focus on the kids as they are. My connection with them is one thing I can know for sure, and being truly with them will free us all to plant seeds and gather fruit, as we should.